So, I haven’t written in a while. Three weeks-ish, to be relatively exact. For this, I apologize – both for the delay, and for the compensation blog - meaning this post may be a hop, skip, and a jump longer… and maybe in three parts… but it’s worth the read, I promise.
After my first three and a half weeks in Kusi, the place and people that hold a piece of my heart, I parted ways temporarily to head to Lima, and Ica – the camp at the northern tip of the Atacama Desert. Also got to hit up Kawai, our coast-side camp at some point.
The Lord has blessed me SO much through these groups that come, the boys, and just through time with Him. The fellowship I’ve gotten to have with these group members is incredible and is teaching me a ton – about fellowship, humility, marriage, pride, love, and Jesus. A lot has happened – more than I can say here, so I’ve broken it down into three parts: La Lavandería, the Shower, and Jesus. Here we go.
La Lavandería
The Lord has blessed me SO much through these groups that come, the boys, and just through time with Him. The fellowship I’ve gotten to have with these group members is incredible and is teaching me a ton – about fellowship, humility, marriage, pride, love, and Jesus. A lot has happened – more than I can say here, so I’ve broken it down into three parts: La Lavandería, the Shower, and Jesus. Here we go.
La Lavandería
La Lavandería = The Laundromat. Why do I bring this up, you ask? Because I’m dirty. Straight up. Before my last time in Lima, I hadn’t washed my clothes for two or three weeks. Clothing, mind you, that I wear out in 10 days tops. Stanky. So, I was in dire desire of finding a Lavandería while here in Lima last weekend to wash all of my clothes and feel like a relatively hygienic person again.
Much like my dirty laundry, lots of little “unclean” things have been accumulating while living here in Perú. They've built up over time, and paired with small unfortunate circumstances here and there – they can break a person. Or more specifically, they’re beginning to break me.
Two weeks ago, I headed to Ica, the desert, for the second time. Funnily enough, it felt like I was in a spiritual desert as well. I met up with a group of Catholic high school boys from Michigan, along with their teacher and chaperones. Their Spanish teacher, Renee, and another mother there spoke Spanish very well. Definitely better than I could - something that never fails to humble me. God would use these women to both break and build me at this perfect point in the desert.
By the end of the week, these little tiny circumstances began to gnaw at my self-esteem and pride. I had accidentally (unknowingly) said a bad word in Spanish to the daughter of the site director, been rejected for a seat at a dinner table, and roughly stumbled through a translation one morning. Instances like this and more that separately would not affect me as much, together began to break me down.
God’s sovereignty is something beautiful amidst the brokenness though. During the breakdown, I had an amazing conversation with the Spanish-speaking mother, who told me she used to be like me – trying to please everyone and trying so hard to be good at everything. Called out, but she was so right. She told me, “you have to be at peace with yourself and know that Jesus loves you just as you are! Not for who you could be, but for who you already are.” Amen, amen.
Later in the day, still feeling something somber from the grey desert clouds and morning tears, I had a wonderful conversation on the bus with Renee the teacher. Totes love that woman. May have inspired me to become a Spanish teacher someday. Anywho… we talked about life and courage in Christ. She told me about her friend Beverly who she met in the gym one day. Renee was having an apologetics conversation with a guy at her gym, and Beverly overheard. Afterward, she walked up and said this :
Beverly: “Hi, I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear and I just wanted to tell you that you did a great job!”
Two weeks ago, I headed to Ica, the desert, for the second time. Funnily enough, it felt like I was in a spiritual desert as well. I met up with a group of Catholic high school boys from Michigan, along with their teacher and chaperones. Their Spanish teacher, Renee, and another mother there spoke Spanish very well. Definitely better than I could - something that never fails to humble me. God would use these women to both break and build me at this perfect point in the desert.
By the end of the week, these little tiny circumstances began to gnaw at my self-esteem and pride. I had accidentally (unknowingly) said a bad word in Spanish to the daughter of the site director, been rejected for a seat at a dinner table, and roughly stumbled through a translation one morning. Instances like this and more that separately would not affect me as much, together began to break me down.
God’s sovereignty is something beautiful amidst the brokenness though. During the breakdown, I had an amazing conversation with the Spanish-speaking mother, who told me she used to be like me – trying to please everyone and trying so hard to be good at everything. Called out, but she was so right. She told me, “you have to be at peace with yourself and know that Jesus loves you just as you are! Not for who you could be, but for who you already are.” Amen, amen.
Later in the day, still feeling something somber from the grey desert clouds and morning tears, I had a wonderful conversation on the bus with Renee the teacher. Totes love that woman. May have inspired me to become a Spanish teacher someday. Anywho… we talked about life and courage in Christ. She told me about her friend Beverly who she met in the gym one day. Renee was having an apologetics conversation with a guy at her gym, and Beverly overheard. Afterward, she walked up and said this :
Beverly: “Hi, I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear and I just wanted to tell you that you did a great job!”
Renee: “Oh, thank you.”
Beverly: “I’d really like to get lunch sometime and just have a conversation. Would you be up for that?”
Renee: “Yeah, certainly”
So, the two met for lunch one day, had a great conversation, and parted ways. Three months later, Renee ran into Beverly again and found out she had contracted a fatal brain tumor – and had two months to live.
Beverly: “I’d really like to get lunch sometime and just have a conversation. Would you be up for that?”
Renee: “Yeah, certainly”
So, the two met for lunch one day, had a great conversation, and parted ways. Three months later, Renee ran into Beverly again and found out she had contracted a fatal brain tumor – and had two months to live.
Renee: “I’m so sorry to hear that!”
Beverly: “(smiling) Why would you say that? I’m going to be with Jesus soon! If my time He has given me is up, then it’s by His hands!”
Beverly lived 5 months longer, and then went exactly as she said she would - to be with Jesus. She carefully planned out her funeral to be a celebration – with dancing, flag bearers, laughter, music, and all. “And it was,” said Renee. “It really was.”
I wiped the tears off with the back of my hand, and breathed deeply, feeling like my heart filled my entire body sitting there in that bus seat. “I want to live that way. I’m afraid, but I want it.”
To be clean. Cleansed of self-pride. Of the false need to please others. Even of trying so hard to earn the affection of God, when it’s already mine in Christ.
Beverly: “(smiling) Why would you say that? I’m going to be with Jesus soon! If my time He has given me is up, then it’s by His hands!”
Beverly lived 5 months longer, and then went exactly as she said she would - to be with Jesus. She carefully planned out her funeral to be a celebration – with dancing, flag bearers, laughter, music, and all. “And it was,” said Renee. “It really was.”
I wiped the tears off with the back of my hand, and breathed deeply, feeling like my heart filled my entire body sitting there in that bus seat. “I want to live that way. I’m afraid, but I want it.”
To be clean. Cleansed of self-pride. Of the false need to please others. Even of trying so hard to earn the affection of God, when it’s already mine in Christ.
“… that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” – Deuteronomy 30:20
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