Grace loved Humble Pie so much that she always gave it away - wanting to share it with everyone that they might experience the same joy from this remarkably delicious pie. Offering a piece here and a piece there, Grace often found herself giving out every last piece of pie before she even got one for herself. To those who got a piece, they found that each bite stung as they ate it. Though it hurt to swallow it down, the sweet taste and filling satisfaction at the end was always worth it. To Grace, the satisfaction in others' eyes and hearts was always worth waiting for a piece of her own.
Grace has been serving me a couple pieces of Humble Pie. One of those slices is a tasty little morsel full of the fruit (aka side effects) of anger. It's a hard pie to swallow.
This is my sixth time in Peru, and so far I've spent about 5-6 total months in this country, so you'd think I would've gone through culture shock at some point already, right? Wrong. I know - weird, right? I figured it out though...
This is my first time here without other Americans around. This is my first time being fully exposed to Peruvian culture without American refuge or defenses. I'm like a little gringa sheep in a sea of Peruvians. Baahhh.
Today marks the halfway point through my journey - I have been here for a month. This past month has been no piece of cake. I felt like a little girl locked in a batting cage without a bat and the machine running. Each blow came flying at me, 90 mph, so fast I couldn't even see the next one - money stolen from my bank account, car problems, getting a parasite and being sick for a week, struggling relationally with the boys I work with, language barriers, and dealing with a completely different cultural setting through all of it. The way people talk, the way they react when you're sick, the way they react when you unintentionally say something offensive, the way they react when you do something incorrectly, the lack of freedom I have here and how much I have to rely on others to get around. So many sensitivities and insensitivities on both sides of the equation. So much less freedom to do whatever I want to do. It. Is. Frustrating.
But why? Does it have to be?
No.
That's the thing. It doesn't have to be that frustrating. I don't have to get angry. I was just getting ticked off because a) all of these minor frustrations were building up in my mind and b) I wasn't getting my way. And I thought my way was the best way. At the bottom of it all, there's something twisted in my heart and in my flesh saying, "You're better than them. You know better than they do."
Like I said... hard pie to swallow. Hard to admit to myself - "Holy crap. There's a part of me that is a totally stubborn, proud, angry, self-interested little girl who thinks she's better than those around her." Once I realized that, I also realized that believing that and acting out of this nasty little root in my heart will not accomplish any good. It will not love others for Christ. It will not see the big picture. It will not humble itself and seek Grace. This little root will stir up frustration with any little inconvenience or contradiction or action to the way I think things should go. It'll keep me stubbornly rooted in faulty sand, standing up against the waves instead of trying to ride them and just go with the flow.
I've acted out of that root since I've been here. I've acted out of that root my whole life. Every time I do, I see how it affects those around me and myself. When I act out of a place that's high and mighty or full of anger, I'm in the wrong. When I realize I'm wrong, it's a long fall from the top of my ego. Big tree fall hard.
There is beauty in humility. There is love and kindness in having grace with myself and with others - in realizing that I am not perfect and neither are they. There is something chill and beautiful in letting go of my culture while I'm here, allowing for inconveniences, and embracing Peruvian culture. Grace is a bomb diggity surfer. She rides the waves of life, taking them in stride. She knows that waves will keep on coming, and she will keep on riding them. Like a boss.
So, once again, we get Elsa on it, and I hear the Lord singing, "Let it go."
Just let it go, and ride the waves as they come. Have Grace with yourself. Have Grace with others.
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.” C. S. Lewis
Yes, Clive. Gettin' it. Allowing for interruptions is a thing of Grace. Trusting God goes hand in hand with having grace and faith with the circumstances He brings into our lives.
The great thing about this Grace is that it is freely given. It's beautifully humble because it hurts the giver and entirely blesses the receiver (and yet, also the giver. full circle). The blood of Jesus has covered every crappy thing any of us has ever done if we repent and believe that he is the son of God and he has taken away our sin. It is Amazing Grace. That's what it is. And He gives it to us. He has satisfied the punishment of sin that separates from Him. He takes us off the guilty trial seat in the courtroom and puts himself in our place. He freely offers grace.
This may be a whole other blog post, but I'm starting to realize for the first time how absolutely necessary repentance is. How else do we accept the grace of the blood of Christ if we don't realize how badly we need it?
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. - Titus 2:11
If there's something I know this Advent season, it's that
1. I'm an angry, selfish human who has sinned a lot in my life - against God and other people. And my sin hurts God and other people... so I'd like to stop sinning ideally.
2. My name is written in the Book of Life, and all of my sin - everything that separates me from God - is covered by the blood of Christ. I will be found just before the throne of God one day, and I will be reunited with Him in totally awesome and complete joy. Forever.
3. We've got a long way to go, my Lord and I. I think that was the plan all along. :-D
This Advent, I would love to hear what you are learning! Where have you needed or shown Grace in your life?
Prayer Request Corner
- Yo, I've been getting sick. A lot. Would love prayer against that
- For an AWESOME Christmas with the boys!
- that the Christmas package my family sent would arrive before Christmas! (would be great if it got to Peru today - Friday)
- For the group of Americans coming for the New Year - that we'd have an amazing amazing time together
- prayer for protection against evil, harm, and attacks from the devil
- prayer for trust, control over my emotions, and a really wonderful second month here in Peru
- prayer for my future - I have no idea what all I'll be doing when I get back home, but I'm starting to think about it.
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